I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
