they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
