You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
