Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
