It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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