I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
