Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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