pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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