Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Im part way to drunk.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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