I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
