It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
