I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
