The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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