Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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