I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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