Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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