I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
