the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
