So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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