Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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