We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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