She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
