So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
