im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
