I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My liver just had a heart attack.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
