She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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