No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
