Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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