Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
