Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
