My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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