dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
