you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
