im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
