Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
