At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
