My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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