it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
