I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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