sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
