she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
