where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize