i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
