I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
