How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
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i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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