I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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