And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
