6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize