Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
