If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
