This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
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you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
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Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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