i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
