there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
