meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
smell my finger.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
