His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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