I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
