hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
