sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
