That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
