Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Everyone says I win the strip club
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
