I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I need to sanitize my soul.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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