Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
