my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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