That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
