You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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