I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
