He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
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So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
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It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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