once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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