I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
