Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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