i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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