I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
