I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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