i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
