uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
