His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
