We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
