ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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